so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
