Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
