Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
