im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
