I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
