sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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