Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
