I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
