He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize