I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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