he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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