he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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