oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
