I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
