if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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