oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They should really pass out barf bags in church
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
