Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
