Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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