bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
