How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
