i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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