Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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