Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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