can u get pink eye on your cock?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
