dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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