the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
