God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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