You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
