I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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