Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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