We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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