the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
