how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
