the day after is always just damage control
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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