what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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