margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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