I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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