I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
