I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
