Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
