Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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