Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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