using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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