I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
