I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
