Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
