Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
