this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
