just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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