I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize