How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
