I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
