just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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