just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
