Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There r osticjed everywhere
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
