I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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