It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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