Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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