Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
