We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
