you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
