His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
