My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
