just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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