He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
