Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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