Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
