i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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