well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
