dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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