I'm drive I can fine osifer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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